Latin teacher breaks 5 year praise drought!

BREAKING NEWS!

Today, for the 1st time in 5 years, 2 Latin students actually received a test back saying "Perfect" written by the Latin teacher. The students are reported as being in a critical state of utter shock.
Claims of fraud are being investigated, one student (of the only two) made this statement,
'This has got to be fake'

(yes, I know it's backwards)

Dan Aykroyd puts on new face!

Breaking news - famous actor Dan Aykroyd has a sex change!


He maintains his reason is this:

"I think I look less retarded as a woman."

Reckless youth do not heed warning

After winning the debate against Riverview on Friday night, these two Santa girls were snapped posing in ridiculous positions after being warned not to do so several YEARS before!

The girls in question were warned years before not to continue the harmful sport of debating, as it has terrible side effects, such as: Looking like a complete dumbass.

Tut, flaming youth.



2004









2008

Iemma to drop water restrictions: "Good boy, Sydney!"

As a reward for saving water, our esteemed Premier has promised to lower
Water restrictions, due to the apparent increase of grass around Sydney suburbs.
Restrictions are to be dropped from level 21 to 17 next month.

Suggested new precautions for deadly tree

On her way to the 3rd Annual Bad Signage Convention, Alison (a sign maker herself) was forced, due to pedestrian traffic, to take the track that passes beneath Sydney’s infamous Bunya pine tree.

‘It’s a tough job,’ she later stated, having carefully passed below the tree and miraculously lived, ‘but I love what I do, so y’know, you take risks don’t you?'

Discussion is taking place about the true safety of the tree, and how precautions can be raised to current Occupational Health and Safety standards, which are at an all time ‘Safety’ peak.

Alison has been short-listed for Young Australian of the Year 2009, for excellence and bravery.

Warning: Warning sign ahead.

It is beleived the frenzy of warning signs has reached such a height that people will look back at 2006 as the "Warning Sign Epidemic".

One thinkingthinker was lucky enough to spot this particular useless warning sign on his way to a bad signage convention. He never did make it to the convention after a horrible death due to a blunt trauma inflicted by a warning sign stating 'Low Clearance'

It is a sad day for the thinkingthinkers sporting epitomised rational thought. A sad, sad day.

Toothless man discovers toothless grin, a self-portrait

A stunning discovery made last week off-continent revealed toothless men are generally unaware of a possible 'toothless grin'. The man (pictured above) shows his ecstaticism at coming to this realisation.

We'll follow this story all night if we have to!

Blood Alcohol Limits hard to Follow

A recent survey taken at popular pubs in sydney found that following government guidelines of 0.02 Blood Alcohol rating is very difficult due to the increasing size of drinks served.

"I ordered a cocktail, expecting something in a Martini or Tom Collins glass, and instead they serve me this! [pictured below] It just isn't fair that I am expected to buy this when I need to drive home soon! never mind they charged me $45.00 for the privelidge!"

We purchased one of these cocktails, aptly named "Hit me over the head with a large blunt object" and took it back to our labs for testing.
Results returned minutes later, labelling a content of 49.5 Standard Drinks (Approximately 1Std Drink = 0.02 Blood-Alcohol Rating).


The man requested that his identity not be revealed.

New article coming soon

OK FINE


I will post again very soon. Haven't had the time that is all


Cheers

Play-Doh may be man's saving grace

It appears after many months of meticulous scientific research, the facts are here. Spontaneous combustion is still a problem. Thought to be solved coincidentally around the same time as the 'Silent But Deadly' was invented, Death by unpremeditated self-explosion is still a real issue in todays society.There is only one cure currently known, the eating of Play-Doh which liquifies the buildup of noxious gas.

In other news stocks in Play-Doh are expected to triple later this week. More on this in the evening news.

China not Happy.

It's official: China is pissed off. In light of recent comments posted by our most loved Rational Thinker, a letter flown by carrier-ferret (yes, ferrets can fly. Communist ferrets that is) asking us nicely to remove our vote for deomocracy.

Our response to China, in the words of Little Britain, the Senior Manager of the ABC and the Australian Immigration department:

COMPUTER SAYS NO!

Carrier-Ferret logo. Red for Communism, C for China (or Communism, or Crap)

Please welcome metropolis

Please welcome to the team, metropolis [names may have been changed to protect the aforementioned's thought process] who will be a Rational Thinker: Reporting from the Field. Welcome Ryan... i mean metropolis :-)

Censor our Blogs will you China? I DON'T THINK SO!

I have now posted 20 'Newspaper Clippings' on this blog. This post is a short break from the current style. Check out BBC news article sent to me by a good friend Ryan [names may have been changed to protect the aforementioned's thought process] showing China & Microsoft to be working together.

In order to upset the supposed 'Night Crawler' program the Chinese government is rumoured to be using, here is a paragraph of Left-Wing craziness:


Democracy is a wonderful thing. China is way behind the rest of the world on this, even Taiwan now has freedom of speech! Even Singapore has their forum of free speech in the Clementi Park.
If the bloody goverment hadn't mauled those little children in Tiananmen Square then maybe people would actually have rights! Having the right to vote is awesome, and Communism doesn't work. China doesn't even have real communism, I mean, they have McDonalds. Pity they dont have Human Rights.

/end Keyword-Filled rant.

Check out the Article:

Sydney Firefly Colony at Large

Recent reports show the Sydney Firefly population is heralding its largest numbers on record since the great Fire-swarm of 1847. Interestingly enough the entire colony has located itself in a lovely pattern on this house.

Trojan House a complete disappointment

A botch-up was discovered inside British Army Intelligence this afternoon when it was released the "Trojan House" was not as effective as once thought. The concept behind the Trojan House was to deliver said house to unexpecting enemy country where they would accept the 'gift', taking it inside their city walls. Friendly troops would then sneak outside in the calm of night and take the enemy city.

Unfortunately there were many problems with this plan.

1. The House was open plan causing troops inside to be spotted
2. House keys were left back at the base meaning troops were locked inside
3. Finding Countries with 'City Walls' is often a challenge thus proper testing was not possible
4. It was raining outside and there was a good movie on Satellite TV so the troops stayed indoors.

Plans are currently in development for a Trojan Swimming-Pool.

Incredible machine operators admit incredible machine not all that incredible after all.

In a shocking interview earlier today, the three controllers of the universe stated their incredible controlling machine is "not that incredible".

"Its a pretty boring job really, give me the fresh open air any day," said one of the three.
"Although I do enjoy being a 'controller', the work can be a little mundane at times," agreed another.

"Well when I signed up for the job I thought it was an Organ-Scholar Posting," said a rather dismayed third controller.

Is the fate of the universe completely at the whim of these three men?

Yes. Yes it is.

BOM fears Salted Neighbourhood a more favoured substitute for Fish&Chips

Bureau of Meteorology fears strict guidlines of 'Salt to Taste' are being ignored, for a more fanciful diet of Salted Neighbourhood. A Rational Spokesperson from the Bureau said today "Fish and Chips just arent as spectacular as they once were, and we feel some familes are moving away from this friday night tradition to a choice for the sophistocated pallete - a choice we are naming Salted Neighbourhood." Other varieties avaliable include Salted Car, Salted Tree, Salted Road and Salted Neighbour.

Census shows Average age not only Higher, but Average age of parenting phenomenal

Recent results from a census show Couples are leaving it too late to have children. In some rare cases the Father dies of old age before conception and the child is born at the age of 63. Doctors are worried about the possible implications this will have on our tax system, Hip replacements at birth becomming an alarmingly common requirement. Learning to walk has also been overtaken by a new baby's first steps program, entitled "Learning to walk with a zimmerframe". The Minister for aged care was unavaliable for comment today, as visiting hours at the Retirement Village were over.

Virtruvian Satellite goes out with a BANG

In a disappointing shower of fireworks, DaVinci's Virtruvian Satellite was destroyed in a shower of blinding light earlier this evening. Scholars are now kicking themselves for not only failing to create schematics for the device (the original was used) but for following DaVinci's guides to deployment, catapulting the giant dish into the starry sky. Unfortunately the satellite impacted with a new Airbus A380. Mathemeticians predict on a stupidity scale of 1 to 10 this has reached 11.

Attack by Giant Creature Imminent in Japan? Statistics say NO!

Statistics show Japan hasn't been target to attacks by giant creatures nearly enough in the past few decades. Some have even gone as far to say the Godzilla creatures that once roamed the cities instilling a fear not known to the rest of the world have moved on. Where they have moved to, nobody knows. A Poll taken last week voted the creature below as the best candidate for the next giant-creature-of-doom attack in your nearest Japanese megapolis.

Jesus feeds many - Bible proven reliable

Amazing proof for a parable from the bible: Jesus feeds Billions with cake the size of south-east Asia

Studies Show Farmers at an all-time Youth

Recent studies show although drought threatens to cripple the NSW farming industry Farmers are getting younger. The state's youngest farmer on record was from 1947 at the age of 3. The rational thinker depcited here was only 5 when said photo was taken.

New Smart Car quite Stupid.

Conspiricy-Theorists beleive the latest "Smart" car to roll off the production line is not smart at all, requiring all 147 instrument panels to be monitored at any one moment.

World hold's breath as Virtruvian Satellite sees the light of day

A Rational Thinker unveilled Leonardo DaVinci's Virtruvian Satellite. A Priceless artefact valued at 100,000,000,000,000 phillipino pesos, equivalent to approxiamtely USD$3

Geologists Stunned - Nation made of Cake

Geologists were dumbstruck last Friday to find australia is made entirely of cake

Nationwide Survey: Youths applaud Feed-Bags

Recent Trends indicate youths favouring feed-bags as a handy alternative to cutlery or manners.

New Studies: Television Kills.

Studies show Television kills brain cells and is boring.

New Poll reveals Plane in fact too small for pilot

A poll taken last Thursday reveals the Single Engine Cessna is in fact too small for the pilot.

1st Prize: Model Train

Sources reveal all: Murder Mysteries still good fun

The rumours are true: Teenagers still like to get all dressed up for evenings of mystery and intruige. The question is, are the feathers really an implement for... MURDER??!!??

Shock: HSC Student actually working!

In unforseen circumstances today a HSC Student was found actually working. When asked to comment the student stated "I just got sick of procrastinating." Board of Studies will be investigating these claims and have released a statement claiming "it is all an elaborate hoax."

Miracle: Lemon Tree produces Lemons

Croydon, Sydney. A Lemon tree in the backyard of one Rational Thinker was found bearing fruit earlier today. When cornered by farmers and questioned on this unorthodox behaviour its reply was thus:
""

More on this breaking story after we interview an Orange

Rational Thinkers Epitomising Rational Thought

Hooray the blog is up.

Was just editing my profile when I came to the Random Question button.

"Hmmm" is all my Rational Brain could muster when I was presented with the question

Well, maybe they don't need them, but don't you think that some fish might like a bicycle?

The one and only Rational answer:

I beleive that all fish should be given the choice as to whether or not they are issued a bicycle. It is a common misconception that fish not only are unable to ride bicycles, but that they dislike them intensely. Nothing could be farther from the truth which is why scientists around the globe are working day and night to come up with a viable solution to the fish-bicycle compatibility issue. I am told they are very near a breakthrough and any day now all fish, be they trout, goldfish, snapper, swordfish or even tuna will be given the opportunity - no, the right - to own and ride a bicycle.

Now seems to be a good time also to point out the purpose of this blog is to post images for other Rational Thinkers like myself.

When Marisa-Clare [names may have been changed to protect the identity of aforementioned's thought process] was asked

"Would you say you are a rational thinker?" Her reply was thus:

"No."

Without being prompted again, just to make sure I understood, I received a secondary answer:

"No."

I wasn't expecting this so for the sake of all that is good, I edited her reply. Her new reply reads thus:

"Yes."

/end

PS: Picture of a fish: